Should I stay or should I go?!

Souls in peace

2008-02-14T10:45:00.004+02:00

It has been a great journey for me being in Istanbul and all.After 10 months I am getting used to this city.I have a simple life here, a room, a job, a university and a very nice co-workers.It's a wonderful thing to reach and hold peace in your life.After 10 months of struggling around now I have become happy.

Sometime it really help to change a few thing in life.I began with location.

Frankly speaking I am happier than anytime.It's a good thing to be in peace with yourself.

Hollywood spoof?!

2008-01-24T01:08:00.000+02:00

Playing with history isn't new.I am talking about 300 movie.But those fanatics wining about US government and their conspiracy(!) missing a point here.300 is not a documentary.It's a movie made to entertain people.Also Frank Miller author of graphic novel 300, had tried to entertain his readers.
To tell the truth 300 is a popcorn movie.A movie that entertain you.Lots of action, blood and violence.This is what it takes to make a entertaining movie nowadays.Zack Snyder, director of 300 had done a great job.It is a movie you can watch and enjoy.
So, if you haven't watched it, buy a big popcorn and big gulp and try to enjoy the movie.Still questions, here is a couple of links.Let this post enlighten your road(Hah, that was great.It just came over!)

This is what an American say: http://www.chasingthefrog.com/reelfaces/300spartans.php
And this is what an Iranian say: http://iranpoliticsclub.net/history/300/

Midnight Sun

2008-01-22T23:58:00.000+02:00

I have always loved European movies.No wacky musics, no CG visual effects and so on.Always simple."Lovers of the Arctic Circle" is one of them.

You can feel cool air in your face while watching this movie.It has a interesting relieve.Most beautiful scene, Ana dead, lying on the ground ;Otto looks into her face.When the camera zoom on Ana's eyes you can see her tears.Of course you have no idea what I am talking about.So this might be a chance to rediscover this movie.

New flat-mate, new skills?!

2008-01-21T00:23:00.000+02:00

Seriously, which one you guys have a housemate who can make traditional Turkish dessert?Well mine does, despite he is a guy.The fact is this dessert was amazingly delicious!Well, my old housemates could play Ney, this new one makes great desserts :)

Are we alive or dead?

2008-01-20T23:59:00.000+02:00

This is a new and still warm corner.I'll try to write down things that happened occasionally to me once in a while.Things that happen without a plan or just be there.Like watching a movie while zapping between channels, or music I heard on radio and stuff like this.
Today's special is a movie."The Others", a very successful work from Alejandro Amenabar.While switching between channels I saw this movie on MTV-Türkiye.It might look like a horror movie first, but believe there is nothing scary in this movie.Of course if you are a religious person might taste a little harsh.But if you try to keep your mind more open, this is the movie.Way better than Matrix.Despite it is on of Hollywood-style movies, it bears a much more beautiful concept.How can you realize if you are alive?Or dead? What are the significant signs of being dead?
Personally I have nothing against Hollywood, but sometimes their movies just suck!But The Others is on a different type.Director Alejandro Amenabar did a great job on this movie.The angle of camera will take you to the old mansion.Lighting is perfect.Acting is just great.Especially little Alakina Mann.On the contrary Nicole Kidman is way below good.Anyway, The others can be your little escape from wicked philosophy of religion.

Read a book, save a soul...

2008-01-19T16:50:00.000+02:00

Personally I don't read a lot, except technical text involving my field.But once in a while I read a book.This time based on my friend Alireza's suggestion I read "Memoria de Mis Putas Tristes" by one of most talented south American writers, Gabriel Garcia Marquez.The book is in PDF format and is a Farsi translation of book.

I liked it a lot.It's a fascinating book.Despite it's not a thousand page novel, each of five parts will drove you away to south America.To a small town.Deep into life of our story teller.Back to his memories.

The story might look a little perverted in first look, but it's a great love story.Love of a 90 years old young, discovering true love again.A love only he can feel.

Anyway if you feel like reading a book, Memoria de Mis Putas Tristes is a perfect choice.Yet, if you know Farsi, I am gonna give a link you can download and read this book in Farsi.

http://fdagroup.webs.com/Khaterate_Roospiane_Sodazade%5B1%5D.pdf

2008-01-18T00:05:00.000+02:00

"I created you! I gave you a piece of my soul.I granted you eternal life.I gave you everything, and now you are ignoring my existence?!" God said to man.Man rolled his eyes on empty space and replied :"You did gave me all, but above everything you gave me free will!You wanted me to be free of you.You made me in such a way I am free of everything.You gave me mind.With that and free will I deny you .With everything I got I deny you".God turned his back on man and asked rock same question.Rock growth a mouth out of it's solid cover and answered "You gave man soul, you gave him mind.You didn't do anything! You created man, gave him mind.He created you , me and everything between"

Only limit of creativity is borders of imagination-Farshad

A different place, same old way.

2008-01-16T22:23:00.000+02:00

When I first go to my old room back in Beşiktaş 4 months ago, I told myself : "Yeah, this feels like home" .But I was wrong.Can't judge things in first sight.But in that period of time I gain more life experience I found a new friendship which worth some pain.He is a Turkish boy studying at university.Ensar is a cool young, trying to live life as good as he can.Also he is very intelligent fellow.

This is the last day of my staying at old room where Ensar and his Friends having a party and invited me.As you see I wasn't drinking(!).If you pay attention you might as well see a picture of me for the first time on this blog.As you can see we (at least they) were having some fun.

Life is full of joy and happiness, not discovering that joy doesn't mean there isn't such thing.Just let your heart lead your eye.

So much to tell

2008-01-15T14:24:00.000+02:00

There has been a huge gap between me and this blog.I've missed writing.Let's keep this short.

Part I:Why I wasn't around?

After I get informed that I have won(!) the right to enter university, I talked to my family to see what they think.My mom told me that I should register.Also I talked to Ali, my cousin in Canada.He also told me to register.So I tried to find money to register.I get my salary from work-too hard to get but worth it- then, I sold my cellphone to a nice price.There was also some leftovers of the money my family sent me.But there was another problem.I just got 3 days until deadline and in that 3 days god knows how I pulled a fascinating stunt and registered.After that I quit my job-as easy as getting it- and began university.

After this high-speed life I returned to my normal state i.e. do nothing but sleeping ! Any way I think that registering definitely worth my efforts.Although I can't say I am having fun at final exams but it's OK.

By the time I get my head back I was in a middle of non-sense again.I was broke no other source of income around.Also I had to go to a third country to get a student visa.I was busy in mind.Also my midterms were crushing my soul during that period.After 40 days of no money I found a part time job as a programmer as usual.I just have to work 3 days and the payment is quite good.So I get more busy.Some problems happened with housemates and I had to find another place.I found a new place a week ago and moved there.The rent is a little high for a student but the room is clean and peaceful, just what I need.

Working part time despite it's name is a time and mind consuming thing.I don't have time for my final exams now and already missed one of them.Chemistry to be frank.I am trying to get thing back on track again.So I am busy now.I think it wouldn't stop until you are dead."Get rich or dye trying"!.

I am planning to enter the university exam again.My current university is kinda far from where I stay.And very far from where I work.On the other hand I can't say I loved my field.Maybe it's because of people around or maybe it's just being a foreigner thing.As a conclusion I am trying to get back to my ex-field, IT.

Since I am young I want to make best of everything by anyway I could.It's a hard thing to do but it is always good to have problems in life.That's what makes us more grown.

Well, that's it for now, just let me say, being on your own have a nice taste :)

Long time no see,right?!

2007-12-05T00:07:00.000+02:00

I have forgotten to upload something in a while.It's not nothing have happened,I have become so lazy to put new stuff on here.There are a great amount of news which in time you'll know very soon.

Great news, worst time!

2007-10-15T13:32:00.000+03:00

Finally, I get informed about my application in Istanbul University. I have granted admission for "Geophysics Engineering" program at Istanbul University.This means if I register I can study for 4 years and earn a Bachelor of Science degree in this field.Kind of nice, but I just have 3 days until registration deadline and I am confused about what should I do.If I register I have to leave my current job and be penny-less like always.My family doesn't seem to support me on this because they are in some mixed situation also.I need a professionals help now but no one is around.

I am beginning to love geophysics but I can't get in .Actually I can but for sure, I won't survive.The only way to survive in Istanbul is to have money.I know student life very good since I was student for 2 and a half year.Students can't afford living in a room with 300$ rent.They can't smoke good cigars also.Even if I enroll can't find enough money to live.These was the facts.But my heart is beating for university.I love university and student life.I don't feel ready for real life,-or I don't want to feel.In the both ways I love to go to university, especially a program different than Computer or IT based science.

Company's are paying good for programmers, it's a nice job to have a normal life.But I don't want that.I want to be able to live free.Geologists - from what I know - have a more active life than programmers.They don't have to hide in a basement and work for freaking 16 hours a day.Instead they go to field studies and do explorations outdoor. They might not get as much as programmers, but I am sure their salary would be enough to live.

I am kind of feeling a sympathy for earth sciences.After all it's the place we live on, having some sort of information won't harm.On the other hand it's a exciting field to study.Labs, field research, discovery camps and other high rhythm activities.Even if I am not so good at study but I am sure I'll figure out something.

Conclusion:"Help, in any way you can within 3 days!"

Ten things you should never do

2007-10-08T17:56:00.000+03:00

Here are ten things you should never do:

Never say "Fat - ass" to a fat guy, results are are unpredictable!
Don't leave your home unless you have bigger plans, like moving to Bahamas
Don't ask a street bum "How you doing?", it's really obvious!
Never smoke right after you ate sweets, really harmful.Besides the taste of smoke will lost.
Never go to blind dates, results are unknown.
Never say "It's gonna be alright", unless you can reverse things you do to ruin his/her life.
Never compare cars to girls, these are two different entities which got nothing in common.
The only car deserves to be called "Jet" is Ferrari, others are just some tires and steel.So please stop calling your junk "Jet"!
Never brake up from your girlfriend unless you are sure she isn't going to destroy you and everything between.
Never say "Never", ever again.

Why you shouldn't LIVE with your aunt/uncle?!

2007-10-08T17:36:00.000+03:00

Here ten reasons that show why you shouldn't live with other families except your Mom and Dad:

First days are nice, but afterward it will get weird.They will order you to do something, not ask politely
They always ask for much of your services around.Like cleaning rooms, washing dishes and so on ...
You won't feel comfortable cause you can't run around the house naked!
You have to accept what is given to you and never ask for much.In such cases don't ask for much, this one lethal point for your future stay.
You have to share everything with others even your memories.Sharing memories is fun but not with every one.
There is always something missing about your works, like why haven't you picked your sucks from carpet just for one day among 100 days of your stay.
They always complain about how you act except in case you are just like them.
Remember:One person has got nothing to do to the other one in any condition.This means you are like yourself, none of two persons around this planet are same.Not even twins-like evil twin and good twin-.
The love being felt about you can change to hate just in one second in these places.
There is just one person in this planet who really loves you, and she is your mom.So never ask for love from others.

I hope these tips come useful for you.But don't forget "Home is where you feel like home"

Weird stuff

2007-10-08T17:14:00.000+03:00

Consider this:

"You have some of your stuff like your PC and clothes in your aunt's house.Somehow, the have used your PC as theirs and now that you want to take them you get this:Aww you gotta wait until we clear out our information from PC!. "

I have heard odd things but this tops all of them.How come I have been asked to wait for something that is mine-officially- and will be mine?! I mean what do they think I am gonna do with their stupid pictures ?! Publish them?!Print them.I have teached them how to use this tool and they have made money out of it, now this is how they thank.It's really bad to hear these from persons I -used to- like.Now that I think, I have saved them from paying thousand of dollars to learn "How to play cards on Windows".I have shared I all know about computers to let them be more smart.Now they are being smart-ass.

On the other hand, consider this:

"You have stayed at your aunt and her family, somehow, for 5 months.You have shared all the good and bad -mostly bad I guess- moments with them.You act like yourself so far.Like buying gifts and all, but from some point on you realize that there is no stop for this.I mean you are doing everything you can to keep them happy and still they want more."

I don't know how would you feel, but that pisses me off.

There is a old word I always believed but never did : "Whoever goes to judge by himself will considered 'True' in his eyes"

At last!

2007-10-08T11:45:00.000+03:00

Guys , guys don't worry!I finally find a room and stayed at there last night.Just wanted to tell you :)

Still homeless, still same

2007-10-05T18:09:00.000+03:00

I haven't find a room yet and I have been kicked out for 3 days now and staying at hotels.I don't know what to do right now, confused really.My work friends told me that I could stay at office temporarily until I find a place for myself.I don't know if I should accept that or not.By the way I am out of money, and won't get my salary .At least not soon.The company is out of money and they haven't paid anyone.But there is a difference be3tween me and other guys.They have homes and families but me , homeless , money-less and confused as hell.

If things continue like this I don't think this is a good company for me!Maybe I quit and go back to Iran and wait until university begins.I am really confused, I don't have enough money to afford two days in hotel.Maybe I stayed at office but it seems a little rude to me.It's a hard decision for me.Because I don't want to ruin my reputation here.On the other hand I need a place to stay 2 days.Maybe more...

I think the life is applying it's sense of humor again just to have something to laugh

I have lost it...

2007-10-03T14:20:00.000+03:00

I have written a lot of memories in my notebook(regular notebook with pencil).I'll write them down when possible.Last night was my the end for me, I have been told to not to come back to my aunt's.I finally find a room. It has a bed and a cloth wardrobe. After all I can't stay outdoor!Now there is just one problem.The university applications began again yesterday and I let my cousin handle mine and his application.If everything goes right I can study "Geology" or "Geophysics or maybe "Software engineering".So I have another chance and this time I won't miss it.It doesn't matter where to study right? But Sweden, my dream country.Always cool.No matter how I'll treated there I want to live and study in Sweden.Maybe one out of a million of my dreams come true.I just hope everything goes right at this state, I hope...

Leaving the place I have been for more than 6 months and get related to it somehow, sounds terrible.But as I always say - and never do - I should be able to handle myself here, so I get used to it for further use!

I have to plan my future.I most do it clearly.I most be able to a picture of it so I can draw my path trough this messy hole called life.It's always about how you do things, not when!A good plan always do the trick.

Now this is real!

2007-10-02T10:00:00.000+03:00

"The only good life has did for us is that there is no good at all"

Finally I got kicked out just as I thought.I have to leave the house today.Of course they didn't really kicked me out, just told me to leave.Now I am a house-less junk.I am gonna see some houses around Kabataş, see if I manage one for myself.If the worst happens, I'll stay at hotel until I find a place.

No one said it's gonna be easy.

What's so special about Istanbul?

2007-09-21T09:52:00.000+03:00

Istanbul is the biggest city of Turkey located at north-west of country where Asia and Europe meet by means of two bridges, Bochorphus and FSM.The thing that makes Istanbul important is it's critical location.But that's not why I chose here as my temporary home.Istanbul is a beautiful city where west meets east.You can see all kinds of people in here.People from places you wouldn't imagine.It's a "City by the sea".Waters of Ege meet Black Sea.

Weather here really sucks!In summer it's extremely hot and humid.In winter it's very cold windy.But in spring and fall, I think those are the best time to visit Istanbul.I have spent spring and summer here now, and now I know what "extremely hot" is!Like everyplace else, it's nice when you come here for holidays.But to stay...I don't know.If you are living in a developed country I suppose you would like to visit here to see something new or "old" and that might look interesting

Happy freaking birthday Farshad!

2007-09-19T09:48:00.000+03:00

Today is my birthday, but something tell me that I won't feel happy at the end of day.I have been offended by insults again.I don't clean the room I live in together with my cousin, does it make a bad person.Does wanting revenge makes a person bad?Does it?I am sick and tired of this place.I don't feel comfortable here anymore.I must find a room for my own.

My aunt's husband again, maybe he is doing this for my own good, but I don't like it.I am not like his son and don't want to be.He is acting like a typical father who always humiliates you to teach something for your future good.Maybe he is right.Maybe I am mentally sick and should get cured.There are so much to tell that I won't be able to write it down.

Got room?!

2007-09-13T09:30:00.000+03:00

I have been searching for a room from the moment I came back.I must have visited a dozen of houses.Major problem is, most of the rooms aren't furnished.I don't want to complain but after all these time sleeping on a couch I deserve to have a room at least with a bed.Rent rates are high even for a single room not an apartment or something.But there is nothing I can do about it.Lower rents are also available but they are far away from my workplace and are not in good situation.It's not good.On the other hand since I am homeless in a sence, I have to accept what is there.Yesterday I found my dream room.It it very close to work, 5 min by walking.The room is furnished.The apartment itself is in very good situation.There are also many electric devices such as TV,DVD player,Satellite and so on.But the greatest advantage is the householder, he is a very nice guy.If I pay my rental regularly I don't think there will be any problems with him.But the rent fee is really high.Let's say I earn 1000YTL(New Turkish Lirs-Equals to 760$) and the rent is 750YTL(570$) including all fees and I mean all.Considering my state here it's not wise to pay so much.Because I have to save some money till university begins.I have to put 4-5 grands($) aside in order to make it there for a few months until I find a job.It's really hard goal to achieve!

Money is the cause and cure for all human problems in modern world.In here you work to just stay alive, not to save money.Most of the people here spend all their money just to be able to see the next day.I am not an exception.Maybe I am asking for something I can't handle, but like everyone else I deserve a better life and I am trying really hard to have it.Of course there is always some problems to make it hard to get, and I think that's the reason which makes my target so valuable.

The way back - Part II :Home (Chapter Three)

2007-09-11T15:57:00.000+03:00

Thanks for your comments Alireza and Ali

When you live in a place for 20 years , the connection between you and that place is like un-destroyable.But that doesn't mean you can't leave there.

I spent most of my time outside, second day after my arrival I went to my university to arrange my paperwork.My dad had went trough most of it but the final one was mine.It's really interesting, even you graduate and deserve a degree the university won't hand out your diploma to yourself!After a lot of talk they gave me my "Temporary Diploma" and told me the original one will be sent to my address.More interesting thing is everyone there knew I was in Turkey and keep asking me "How was there?!Did you meet any one celebs?!!",Heheheheee.But of course they don't see the facts behind my stay.There is a total moron at our university who is chief(!!!) of student services.They guy asked me "If I come there, would you help me stay?!".I don't know what to say I just replied "I am working in there, after work I can help you visit nice places".

It's nice to be famous you know, before I tell them where I am all of them knew!Pretty interesting though.

After all those stunts I couldn't get my orginal diploma and have to wait for 6 months.It's really bad cause I won't have enough time to translate and send it.Well, what can I say;There are still situation like this in the modern education era!!

Dreams II

2007-09-10T15:42:00.000+03:00

"Time is the greatest cure"

It should be a great feeling having your home, your own car or at least a life belongs only to you.But these are dreams that most of people around the world having and hereby I share this feeling.

You know what would be great? A small house or cabin beside a lake at a cold place like Sweden, Alaska or Iceland.I can myself with a bottle of whisky and smokes sitting on a old wooden chair watching the sky at night.Even now, when I dream about it puts a smile on my face, like I have won 1mil$ and nobody knows about it!Since we mentioned money, it's a nice instrument to live a little bit more comfort.

With enough amount of money I am sure I'd live at my own kingdom of heaven.A kingdom where the one and only king is me, of course there is nobody around at all.Looks like I am telling craps again, well the only thing that I really have is the power of imagination(It's not working anymore but still exists).

What it is like to have a life of my own, is it really hard to achieve?Is it that far away?When it's going to happen?How much I should wait?A year, 10 years or when I am 70 and I don't have a thing except worthless memories?

The way back - Part II :Home (Chapter Two)

2007-09-10T09:59:00.000+03:00

Where is home?Where is the place you feel like home?The home that you have lived in it so far, or the place your heart beats?You'll feel the difference for sure.
It's good to see old friends.First day I went to see Alireza (I have told you about him before).I've missed him, and he too and that's the reason that I entitle him "Best friend".Also I met an old friend too, Shaahin.We were together in high school for 2-3 years.We always sit in a same row beside each other.I remember the fun we had together, we always were laughing(!).It's good to be friends.
We spend the afternoon and night together talking mostly about how Istanbul and my life is.I was trying to give a drop of my experience to them but as usual it turned out to jokes.I've missed these guys.But when you go to sleep you understand you're alone.Millions of thoughts fly in your mind and eventually land one by one."Should I stay or should I go?".Maybe the most important question in my life.What to do?It's not like when I was 17.Life was more simple back then than now.
I have always forced myself to choose the best of options, not the ideals.Sometimes there is just one choice and sometimes there are hundreds.But questions still remains, which one is better?Go or stay?Go or stay?Go or s...?It was a decision I must make.I received some help from friends and family.I am sure by now you have figured it out, right?The thing that concerns me even now is "Have I chosen the right one".There is no answer to it.
My dad told me a nice thing."Every time I was going back to Armenia I had the same feeling as you, I didn't want to go but I had to.And every time I wanted to go back home I didn't want that either".

The way back - Part II :Home (Chapter One)

2007-09-07T14:29:00.000+03:00

When you are away from home you don't miss a lot of things, cause you don't remember.I didn't miss home a lot when I was in Istanbul.But when I get back home, it was really strange.From the point I take off the bus, I began to feel nice.In tabriz there is always wind blowing.It was the first thing I realized that I missed it.Tabriz is a city that humidity rate is very low, not like Istanbul.That's the other thing I miss.

Now that I am back to Istanbul I have lost all my desire for home again.It's really hard to be in such a feeling.

When I ringed the doorbell I heard my big brother,Farhad's voice saying"He's here!He is here!!".Ohhh it's a beautiful thing to know that there is someone on this planet that misses you.They all was there, my family except my oldest brother and his family.It was good that I didn't see him, cause it would have ruined everything.Anyway, it was a really warm welcome.It's really intresting how we humans feel.So it was good.First night, I don't think I have sleeped in such a peace so far.Because of my absense, my brother moved to my room.I get shocked when I get in my room!I told my mom"This is how you miss me?!" and she replied"Noooo, we moved Farhad's things here because this room is better".It was Ok.I mean the is no reason to get hurt by that.

Night time, it's the best time.I missed the silence of our neighborhood when it's night.I stand beside the open window of my room and lit a cigarette.Great thing to be home I guess.Farhad and I stayed in same room during my stay in Tabriz.We didn't talk a lot with him.But preceding night we did a long conversation.He said:"You should plan to be on your own, don't rely on dad.He might not be able to help you these days" and that I should move ahead not come back to Iran.It was a long talk, I don't want to bother with details.

What I am doing here?!

2007-09-06T10:32:00.000+03:00

You know what, I was in better state in Tabriz than Istanbul.I didn't have to wake up early,I didn't have financial peoblems.I didn't have to live as a stranger.I didn't have to tolerate humiliation, cause it's my own family's house and I live with them.I was close to my frinds, not like here with no friends at all.And other things.But I have something here that worth other things.I have a life of my own.
Life is simple if you know what are you doing.But complicated as well.Only thing that makes us tolerate it is hope.Ohh humans, only thing we really have is hope.We hope to have a better life, or we just hope that it doesn't get worse.But hope won't do any good.It's our actions that brings us goods or bads.
Can you see the light at the end of road?I can't maybe you did...

My frst day in new job

2007-09-03T12:15:00.000+03:00

Well, I've been here for 3 hours now and nothing yet.Boss isn't around and I don't know what to do.One of tech support guys let me use his PC.I am just killing time here.It's very boring.Nothing to do!!
I am sure after I get my task it'd be better.Till then just fooling around!

I am back!

2007-09-01T11:46:00.000+03:00

Hi there, I am back to Istanbul yesterday morning around 6 o'clock.There are so money to tell but first the reason why I haven't write anything in last two weeks.Since blogger.com is filtered in Iran I couldn't update my blog.Now, after 15 days I am back on business.

I'll tell everything with all the details very soon, just let me give you a tip:It was horrible!

The way back - Part I :The way for Home

2007-08-31T13:54:00.000+03:00

It was horrible!To sit in a bus for 30 hours.After about 24 hours of crappy bus trip I made it to the border.As some of you should know, visa for Iranian natives are 3 months.I did stay in Istanbul for 5 months but I pulled out some trick to renew my visa legally.But the officer in Turkey exit border didn't stamped my passport with 'exit'.They are not stupid, he asked me what I was doing in turkey for 5 months and I replied I was working(Damn me!) then he said I sould see the other officer who was processing other passengers and those who stayed more than 2 months.He was there to receive money from this kind of Iranians.Anyway I paid 20$ to stamp my pass.
We stayed in line for half an hour before we exit Turkey.Afterward we entered Iran and stayed in line again for 2 hours before we get our entry.Then we continued in Iran.There is a place who called "Se-Rahe-e-Khoy" where is a three way junction and there is a Police("Basiji") station in there to control.We stopped there and there was this guy who get on bus and asked for passports.He wasn't wearing any uniform and didn't intrduce himself.When it was my turn to show my passport he looked at my pass and asked me what I was doing in Turkey for 5 months.I replied "I was studying for university".He told me to get packed and get down of bus.So I did as he told.I waited for this jerk with some other guys like me outside for 15 minutes.Then he get down and asked us to follow him to his office.He told us to unpack our thing on his desk in his office.He searched everthing.Of course he couldn't find anything.Then he asked me again what I was doing in there, I said "I was studying for university entrance exam of Turkey for foreigners" and showed him a special stamp on my pass regarding that.So he let me and other guys go.After about half an hour we get on bus an continued our way.We did stay for dinner and then again we moved ahead.About 10:35 I was in tabriz.I took of the bus and get myself home.My family was very happy that I was back.

Last day

2007-08-17T16:41:00.000+03:00

This is my last at my current job,I will leave here in about 1 hour.They are preparing a goodbye for me, it's nice but not as good as money they pay!Also I am going back to Iran Tabriz tommorow noon.I will be there for 10 days, afterwards I'll come back to my new job located at Mecidiyeköy.

Farewell to all

Everyone dies, but no one really lives

2007-08-15T17:15:00.000+03:00

It's been a while I haven't write anything.Nothing to tell I suppose.Humans get used to everything, and I used to live in a god awful mess.Anyway, I am planning to go back to Iran to get back my university papers.Also I told my current firm that I will leave the job at the end of week.New job asked me to be there on last day of august.So I have a new job, looks tough but nothing to do.
If everything goes right I will be in Iran on 20th of august,I'll take my exam and come back to Istanbul for new job on 29th.Looks creepy, what if something happens back there, like a better job with a reasonable payoff?Noooo, I don't see that happening.Well, I have nothing to say right now, see you later.

I refuse living like this

2007-08-12T20:29:00.000+03:00

It's always the same, when you think it's all set and done something come up and ruin everything.I was looking for a new job since my income at my current firm wasn't enough.Well, I found a new job which is going to pay me more, now I should inform my current company of my leaving.And the new firm want me to start by the end of August.By the way I have an examination for "Payame-e-Noor" university in Iran in two weeks.And I want to take that exam just in case I couldn't get an admission from a European university.As you see the whole thing is a mess!

On the other hand I have to visit Iran to get my papers from university and other places.If I could arrange this I may have the best plan I ever made!

This is soooooooo. ...... not good!

2007-08-10T14:23:00.000+03:00

I don't know why but my ex-university insist on not giving me my papers of graduation!They have just give my father the copies of everything.I don't need copies.Since the foreign universities require translated version of original papers, looks like I have to go back to Iran to straight things out.And I should leave my job for at least a week and my boss won't let that happen.Ooh, education system in Iran consist of bunch of monkeys behind desks who are entitled to help students ( just try to imagine )!

In Iran you study 11 years and receive a diploma ( Of course the never hand it to you ).Then you study a year before graduating as a Pishdaneshgahi student.Afterwards you should choose to serve in the army or go to university.Perhaps you'd chose the university but remember, even after finishing university you still have to serve at the army, no matter how old are you!Now that you have a tiny information on how thing are in Iran educational system, consider this:Your diploma and other graduation papers never given to yourself unless you finish the service in army.Things are getting complicated now:But if you manage to skip the service trough cracks of system you might as well get yourself a "Muaf" card means that you can skip the service, but only in peace time!I did that, so there shouldn't be a problem with my graduation papers.No, you're wrong!There is a 6 months(!!) waiting period, after that you might receive your papers!Now that there is less than 5 months since applications of European universities began, I have to wait for 6 months till those monkeys send me my papers.How come this is happening to me?!

By the way you might ask"So, why didn't you act earlier since you knew that?".Here is your answer, everything in my university was saved on a server(Extreme tech! Yeaaahhhh!) and somehow that server stop working for 8 months since my graduation time which is 9 months ago.That's why I couldn't act earlier.Any way, life have a crappy sense of humor over me, maybe this just one of them!

Stupid, fool, silly .... just pick one.That's what I am!

2007-08-08T09:14:00.000+03:00

I am not good at physical jobs,like fixing cars or building a fence.Maybe I am good at mental jobs, like programming or designing(Attention!The key word in the latter sentence is Maybe).Let me give you an example, this is a very famous mathematics problem , my aunts husband told me and I couldn't find the answer.I'll explain later why.

Problem:

There were a man who had 17 cows.When he was dying asked his 3 sons to come.He told them that 1/9 of cows will be the biggest brothers,1/3 for the bigger brother and 1/2 for smallest of 3 brothers.And he dies at the moment.Question is how to divide 17 cows among three brothers with the following rules:

-No brother can give his share to other brothers

-There can't be half or any ratio except 1 for divide

Well, I gave a lot of taught to it, I tried to solve the problem with mathematics.But no acceptable results!In fact I used my mathematics which is one of my mental tools to solve.Try it and for sure you won't get a result that rules apply.

My aunts husband told me the Answer:

"Consider there were 18 cows, then there won't be any problem,right?All of brothers will have their share and none of the rules will be dominated.But there are 17 cows.So me as a friend of their father add one of my cows to their cows.It is 18 cows around now.Let's begin dividing:Since the biggest brother get 1/9 of cows his share will be 18/9 or 2.Other brothers shares are as follows:18/3 or 6 and 18/2 or 9.Now lets add up our results, 2+6+9=17!Since all of brothers have their share I have my cow back.

Cool ,right?!But wait a minute!How it can be possible?!Where is that one cow I added ?!How come this is possible?The answer is:Mathematics isn't a complete science, none of sciences are complete.So you shouldn't always rely on sciences to solve your problems.

Only persons whit perfect balance of physical experiments and mind power can solve such a problem!This is really hard and requires talent, not study.That's why I consider myself fool, pathetic or lets just say "Pure stupid"!

Why living lonely is good

2007-08-07T13:55:00.000+03:00

1- You can have all the beer you want
2- You can hang around naked in the house
3- You may not flush every time you visit WC
4- You can sing "I am singing in the rain" whit your scratchy voice in the shower
5- You may not wash the dishes for last 2 decades
6- Cleaning your house or room is not mandatory
7- You can freely surf all the dirty web sites on the Internet
8- You can sleep till 1 pm and no one would ask you to fix the garage door on Sunday
9- You can always consider yourself sexy(despite you're the greatest looser of all time)
10- At last, you can watch the stars at night and wonder "How on earth I become so lonely"!

It's not getting easier

2007-08-07T13:34:00.000+03:00

The programmers have the loneliest job in the whole world(my personal idea).Because it is just you and your computer.It would be good if computers could act like humans.Then it would be better that way.But they aren't and they won't.Consider yourself sitting behind a desk with a computer in front of you, and nothing else.It's like talking to a microwave oven!Programming is a tough job, you have to make all efforts to come along with computers!It's hard enough with people and suppose you do this with electric cords and chips ...!

This job has it's own benefits like high income , close to technology and all.But it's a lonesome world, the world of programmers.Maybe it's because of my job I become lonely, who knows right?!

Why I am complaining about all this stuff?I don't know why.Maybe it makes me feel good, or bad.

Life sucks...death rocks!

2007-08-06T22:50:00.000+03:00

I saw a woman on the tramvay(a city train that travel on-ground in Istanbul).She was 50-60 I think.But she looked so upset.Circles around her eyes was so deep.With brown eyes who invite you to share her sadness.I just remembered my mom, lately she became like that woman, but my mom isn't that old.She might be the only one who always support me in every aspects of this damned hell called Life.There is so much about her that won't fit in these tiny pages of human.

Damn this life, why should life take so hard from her.I blame everyone for making she suffer.First my dad, he might be ok to his children but to her wife, he's mean and non-understanding person.He always tried to keep my mom away from his big business, he never listens to her.Even after he realize that what my mom told him was the right thing to do.Then my brothers, Reza and Farhad .Most of all Reza made her suffer with his non-sense behaviors.He is such an ass I should say.Farhad is a good guy to his family but he also suffered mom with not continuing his education.He just all of sudden get to army without any prior notice.He lost his hairs during service.I feel bad for Farhad.I like him, he is my favorite bother.On the other hand my sister Giti (oldest of all 4 children) married a lunatic guy.I don't remember the details, I was 7 when they got married.I don't think he deserves my sister.A man with limited ability of learning and old fashioned mind.They were like beauty and the beast!I love my sister but as I see how her husband makes she sad I feel so much sorrow.

Why all the sorrow comes to our family.Of course everybody have their own problems but I am sure not this kind.It's all my dads fault.I will never forget him for what he did and doing to us and my mom.

I am sure they all even me will feel regret for what we did to ourselfs one day, but I don't know when.I am hoping that moment comes as soon as possible before it's late!

Money is the key!

2007-08-05T18:17:00.000+03:00

Turkey is really expensive comparing to Iran.For example a pack of cigarettes is 1$ in Tabriz, but in Istanbul the price is 2-4$.So this means I have to pay twice for my smoking.Or a sandwich is 50 c in Tabriz, but here it's 1-2$.City bus tickets in Tabriz are around 1 or two cents.In Istanbul it is 1 $, almost hundred times more! In Tabriz income of a programmer starts from 300$.

One of my problems here is money.My income is 600$, but I spend 500$ of it foe day to day thing, like smokes,food and a beer from time to time.Maybe I am spending too much,but if I keep up doing like this I won't be able to save some money for sure.I am looking forward for a job with better income.As I figured out if I make 1000$/month I can have a shot in being successful, at least till I get an admission from a university.Also if I enroll in an university I won't be able to work.That another problem which confuses me.My only hope is that my dad help me a little untill I can finance myself.But I don't see that happening.

Ohhhh I just hate this life,no fun at all!

Every day above ground, is a good day

2007-08-03T22:24:00.000+03:00

Should I appreciate life for what it gived to me?Does it really gives or we try hardly to have some?When it will end?Is there an end?

I always blame god for what he give to me, in fact for what he didn't give.I am not handsome,nor tall,nor genius.I haven't achieved any good goal in my life,nor bad.I don't have a charming face,nor body.Can't say I am good at speaking,nor listening.Never studied more than an hour, never had a good chance.Even my eyes resisting to be good.I wear glasses since 12 years.Never did anything special in any kind of sports.I am not creative, not in any field.I don't have any special talent, also I think I am short on talents.So what do I have?Nothing?Exactly.But why?Do I have something special in me?Should it be?I don't know.Can't say I have good and supporting family.Every improvement in me is a direct cause of my actions, which won't worth a penny.I am not good programmer.So might end up whit this result that I am total looser.Yeah, right.Exactly.But if I don't have anything good how on earth I managed so far?Is it because "We are all fleeing in a stream, no beginning ,no end"?

Maybe I should be thankful(!) for what I have.Or should I?!I just know "Every day above ground is a good day".So enjoy my life.But how? . . .

Far far away

2007-08-02T21:44:00.000+03:00

I don't know why but all of my friends are very far from me now.For instance Amin ,he is in Ireland.Or Ali, he is in Iran.It's like there is an invisible wall surrounded me.Or maybe I have created that. Also I don't know why I can't meet girls in my area.I met a Maimai a Philippines girl about 3 weeks ago.She is such a doll and cute.

Since I began to understanding things I loved far east Asia and their people, especially girls.Cute faces, adorable smiles and a rich culture no country ever has reached so far.Ohhhh I just love Japan.There something mysterious about Japan that facinates everyone.Japan is a example of far east Asia countries.Most of them have same attribiutes as Japan.But Japan, has something that others don't:Traditions.Their lives are so simple, even if they live in the heart of technology.This might seem a little awkward.Consider this:"Japanese are so much tight to their traditions, most of them won't learn and speak English".How's that?

They say:"Home is where your heart is".I don't think I belong to Iran.I haven't find my home yet.Maybe there is placement problem. I am so lost.But , what if Iran is my home and I don't realize?!What then?"We'll cross that bridge when we came there!"

What I am?!

2007-08-01T09:10:00.000+03:00

I am a programmer.I have been programming for PCs for 8 years.It's a cool thing to command something, or someone(hehehehehe).

My first programming language is Visual Basic 6.0 .Even if you are not familiar with programming , its name describes how it is.First of all it's Visual, means you can see what you have created immediately.Second it's Basic,means it has a simple chain of learning.If you are interested in computer programming I suggest you to begin with VB6(Visual Basic 6.0).It's easy to learn.

Before entering university I developed hundreds of applications, but they were not commercial projects.In the university I learned C and Assembly and things I can do with them and VB.Because of my programming background, I was a better student in programming related courses during university than others.Normally my grades in those courses was (B+ (17-18)or A(19-20)).But in other lessons, not quite good,except Mathematics.

University is a fine place to be, no matter what is your study.I did lot of my colleagues projects for them.Even final projects.After this some of my friends brought me projects outside of university.Even I have teach programming to a bunch of my friends.But it's not all.Also I have teach lessons for those who were not in our university.

I skipped a lot of details.I will publish them, maybe later.

Friends I

2007-07-30T20:08:00.000+03:00

He's a smart, cool and intelligent guy.Alireza is my best friend who currently live in Tabriz.I know him since high school , 7-8 years ago.

He like books ,especially philosophic novels.Besides he is such a cool guy, you can't not to enjoy his jokes.Every move he makes is pre-thought.I am sure that he won't do anything without a reason (unlike me ).Also, he has a talent in realizing art much more differently than other people.Of course everyone has it's own understanding of beauties.But Ali's , its like he always see the side of thing no one has ever noticed.

Friendship require trust, sacrifice and some sense of humor.Ali and I have all of above and I think that's the reason of our friendship.Sacrifice is required when two different kind of people meet.Like Ali and me.We are from two totally different cultures(even in same city there might be different cultures).He is from a family whit much better culture than mine.Anyway we managed to find something in common and became friends.It is fun, we had fun every time we get together.

As a final word , he is a special person you might met very rarely, and you'd never be regretful for knowing him and be his friend.It was him who showed me great joy of being Friends.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He is more like me.We had fun lots of time with him too.He was also my classmate for 2 years.Amin.He might be the coolest guy on earth.Amin is a person when you need him he would present his help for you anyway he could.He is currently living in Dublin,Ireland.He went there 2 years ago, of course not exactly there.Its a long story he must tell.I remember the times we go out to pick up girls.There were days we got out everyday.He has greater aims than me and I think he has reached them, maybe not all but some part.

Its good thing be able of thinking great, and better is to reach them.Bloody well done Amin!

As a final word, hes cool, skeptic and funny.We shared the most cherish moments with him during more than 4 years.I am sure that there is no one like Amin around me, and its a grate chance to be his friend.

Why you should love beer and other alcohol drinks?!

2007-07-29T02:14:00.000+03:00

Ten reasons to love beer and wisky:
1- They make you drunk
2- You can find them almost anywhere
3- They make impossible look easy and possible. Like jumping of a car speeding at 90 mph.
4- They have the same effect as sex if drinked properly!!!!
5- They are an excuse to smoke more
6- They are sold in almost anywhere
7- They are the best way to forget your harsh day!
8- When you are drunk you feel more free
9- They are the best solution for depression
10- Thay are the only thing that can cause to think"I don't need a girlfriend!"

You might wondering why did I put something worthless like this on my blog. Here is the answer "Cause I am drunk!" hehehehehehe...

Anybody wants a housemate?!

2007-07-28T16:46:00.000+03:00

He kicked me out! My aunt's husband, told me that I have to find a place and move there! Well this is result of a chain my behaviours in their house. I didn't think my acts where so bad! Last night he told me that he needs my help this morning and I said "OK". But when this morning he asked for me and said "Wake up! I need your help, if you can't wake it's ok" , so I replied "I wanna sleep" and he left. Of course I was sleepy during this conversation. He did the same thing four times and at last give up! After I wake up at 15:00(!!) he was gone.He came back after 10 minutes , and told me that I have disappointed him and should find a place to move out! Maybe he's right but I haven't slept more than 4 hours in the past week and I was very tired. Anyway, anybody here wants a housemate?!!!

That's enough!

2007-07-27T00:24:00.000+03:00

He always act as a teacher, but very idealist teacher. My aunt's husband, he's a former teacher and have studied literarture and philosophy . But as I told you before, living with another family is really hard. I have habits from my past which does not fit with him. Like everytime I come to home I'll check out the kichten to find something to eat. Today I do the same thing. It was rice- a popular food for iranians- and when it was dinner time he fixed us boiled chicken and potato. I asked him why he haven't prepared the rice? and he replied "Have you checken the kitchen?" I said "Yeah , there was rice ". Then eventually he talked about his son, Ataman, my cusin. He said "Ataman never searches for food around the house" and continued with praising his son's personality.When he said that I realized that he's advising me indirectly. He talked and talked , I was just listening. My aunt's husband Mohsen, is a very idealist person who have his own principals and trying to teach me them. All the thing he's saying are right and will help my personality get better. But I don't know why I hated him at that moment. He's a really cool person. But I am sick of getting teached. Maybe I haven't a good personality, but maybe I like it that way.
from time to time he insults my family. Despite I am not a fan of my dad and mom, but it makes me feel bad. Like he's insulting me. All I can do right now is to keep silent, cause I am staying at their house. I should find a place and move out of here. After all my personality only concerns me, even if it's the worst of all!

Dreams I

2007-07-25T21:08:00.000+03:00

Despite I hate hot and humid weathers I have always dreamed of living in a little pacific island. Clear water, clear air ... clear consious. The thing is when the weather is hot I became aggressive and non-tolerant. I sweat very much and I hate that too, but I dream of living in that island all by myself. Maybe a few animals but I rather live lonely.
I love to be in another place, Alaska. Always cold and white. Alireza , an old friend of me, told me something that make sense. He said "When it's cold you can wear another coat to get warm, but when it's hot, despite you have taken off all of your clothes it's still hot. After all you can't take off your skin to get cooled,right?!" I think he's pretty right.
Another reason that makes me want Alaska as aplace to live ( not for visit or holiday ) is taken from "Insomnia" a movie directed by Christopher Noland. There is a part wher Al Pacino talking to maid in the hotel lobby. After a few words, Al Pacino ask where she is from, and she replies "There are two kind of people in Alaska, one who borned here and " . Well, I don't think I belong to somewhere on earth. But somehow I don't feel free.
A note about dreams, If you don't dream you're dead.

University?! pufffffffff!

2007-07-24T23:35:00.000+03:00

Here I am again with something that for sure won't worth a penny. As I told you before, I cane to Istanbul to enter a university. But thing got changed. I realized whitout finacial support (sweet daddy money! ) it won't be working out. So I decided to enter a job at least to finance myself and maybe save some money for university.
About one month ago I talk to my old man, and he said that he can't help me with money. So I made a plan: Work at least a year to save money, and reputation. Afterward apply for a university in turkey. Till then I might have arranged myself a part-time job. But things changed again and ruined my plans.
I find out that I can apply for university in Germany. German universities are just cool, low tuition fees, high educational support and so on. Besides it's a fine place to study! So I made an other plan. To work till application start time, save money and send my application. Who knows maybe I get accepted! After a research I found out that I should know German. But there are programs offered in English too. So I have a shot. Maybe, just maybe, one day ...

Still same, still frustrated

2007-07-23T12:59:00.000+03:00

Hiii again. I am at work now, but as you see I am not working :D. Well, where were we, since my last entry there haven't been a change. But I see the grim look in your face! You wanna know more about me,right? No! hmmm. Anyway I am gonna tell some parts of my story. As in movies "Everyone have a story".
I think my life compared to others was easy with most of thing. But from a physcological stand-point , I don't think it was easy at all. This depression started in me when I was 14-15. Like every teenage I was so confused (still am). Other kids were hangin around with girls (at least most of them) , but me, everytime standing in a corner listening to other kids "pick-up" stories. Back then I believed that I was handsome or something like that. But not even once I didn't get the chance to talk to a girl.Yeah blame those stupid girls, that's the best! Yeahhh,yeahhhhh I am obsessed with this problem. Now you now that I am a regular looser. If you didn't realize till now then you are a genius!
This is not a good excuse but, I think that was a really common problem among kids at that age in Iran. But I was very good in finding friends. Not girlfriends of course. I think I should be gay or homosexual. But I am straight as an arrow. Back to matter at hand, since then I became more and more anti-social. I was spending most of the day in my room. My best entertainment was playing video games on PlayStation. It was a very famous game console back late 90's . I was living in a fantasy world of videogames, which made me more anti-social. Anyway, I am not here to complain about my life, just something to read when you feel there is no one worst than you.
Ill be back!
See ya later

It comes and goes

2007-07-20T22:52:00.000+03:00

My name is Farshad Dalirabdinia. It's been 4 months since I left my home. My comforty bed, my messed up room, my friends and my life in Tabriz. For those who might wonder where is Tabriz : Its one of Iran's major cities located in north-west of country . When I say like this it looks like I am feeling regret, but not even a bit. Cause I found a new life, here in Istanbul.
I am living with my aunt and her family. I got two cusins, Ataman and Arzy. Both are brilliant persons. To live with another family is really hard. Different behaviors happen time to time. But I should make my stand here. Once a friend of mine told me " If you can survive in Istanbul you can do the same everywhere". Well, I believe he's right.
Life in Istanbul is really expensive than Tabriz. So I found a job and working right now. In fact my plan was to enter a university in Turkey to find a better chances. But I couldn't stick to it. It's long stroy why I leave the idea of university and I don't have time to right a book! Anyway, as in movies "Change of plan". Main reason of this blog is to tell my story , so maybe I feel a little more relieved. I am planning to write everytime something new happened, but it's not always the way we want, right?!